The Art of the Trust Fall

(If the video doesn't show up, click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPOgvzVOQig)

I remember the first time I was scared to death to make a decision.  I had just graduated from college.  I had all of these options available to me, and I knew that the rest of my life might be defined by this huge moment.  I felt the pressure because I was convinced that, out of all the possibilities before me, God had decided on just one that was the right one, and it was my job to figure out which one it was.  If I made the wrong decision, I would be outside the will of God, and couldn't expect God to bless me or use me in ministry.

I felt like the little girl in the video... willing to fall into the trustworthy arms of God... just not sure where God was standing, and scared to death that I would do a trust-fall in the wrong direction and fall flat on my face.  Somehow I had developed the belief that God had just one perfect path for my life.  If I deviated from that path, I would be completely out of the will of God.  If I chose the wrong job, moved to the wrong city, had kids at the wrong time, bought the wrong car, I would be off course, and getting back on in might take years to correct. 

Mandy and I prayed.  We wrote out lists.  We listened to the voice of God.  Nothing.  So we prayed some more.  We got away for a weekend to quiet our souls and listen.  We argued.  We cried.  I remember the very real fear that we might make the wrong decision and step off that "perfect path."

I was just about at the end of myself when I had a talk with David, my pastor.  I think he could see the anguish in my young eyes, and he had just the right words at just the right time.  He might not even remember it, but it went something like this:

"Calm down, Erik. (ok, David was probably nicer than that)  God's will for your life is rarely dependent on your job or where you live or when you choose to have kids.  God's will for your life isn't about which decisions you make, when.  It's less about what you do than it is about who you are when you do what you do.  You've got options.  Great.  You might stay here, and God will bless you here.  You might move to Denver, and God will use you and bless you there.  You might be a math teacher or you might go into full time ministry, but what God is most interested in is who you are and how you love.  I'm not saying God doesn't have opinions about what decisions you make, but sometimes when we just don't know what to do, it's because God is giving us a choice.  You've been knocking yourself out looking for the one right answer.  Maybe there isn't one.  Maybe God is giving you a choice.  Maybe he's asking, 'What do you want to do, Erik?  I'll make you into the man I want you to be either way.'"

I knew I was supposed to pray.  I was supposed to listen for his voice.  I was supposed to wait on Him and then step out in faith.  And those all sounded like nice, churchy things to say, but when it came to making decisions, it sure would have been nice to have some face-time with the boss and get a straight answer, am I right?  But this conversation with David was life-changing for me, because it took the pressure off.  It's not my job to always know where God is when I'm doing the trust-fall into his arms.  He doesn't abandon me if I fall in the wrong direction.  He's not just behind me.  He's all around me. 

Where can I go from your Spirit?

    Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.  

Psalm 139:7-8

God is often more interested in teaching us to listen to him than he is in which little decision we're about to make, because he's at the other end of every path we might choose.  God wants us to learn what it means to pray, to listen, to wait, and then to step out in faith, and the only way we learn it is to do it.  Sometimes we get it right.  Sometimes we don't.  But every time we try, we learn a little more how it works. 

This Janesville launch is full of those kinds of questions, not the least of which is about where we'll hold Sunday services beginning this fall.  We've been at Edison and Parker High School up until now, but we've also been asking God to reveal to us if he's got the one perfect place for us.  Our launch team has committed to praying regularly that God would open doors for where we might be, because up until last week, every place we had looked at is either way too expensive or in the absolute wrong location.  We pray separately.  We pray together.  We listen to the still, small voice of God.  We wait on him and his perfect timing.  And the time is coming where we'll step out in faith. 

On Wednesday, April 2nd, at 6:30pm, we're going to be at Mocha Moment for anybody who is interested in being a part of the discussion about where we might meet.  By then, we should have all of the options available to us on the table, including some new, more doable choices.  We'll pray.  We'll talk.  We might even disagree somewhat.  But we'll be looking for God to reveal to us where he wants us to launch this church, and shortly after this meeting, with the help of our church leadership, we'll make a decision on location. 

Here's the thing:  I'm not worried about it.  God knows exactly what he's doing.  We're not playing a guessing game as to where God is hiding.  He is just as interested in giving us direction as we are in getting it.  And, no matter which direction we fall, he'll always be there to catch us.